Hoping for Forever (The Lottery Winners Book 1) Page 8

  Mick watched her eyes flash back to the gas station and knew what she was thinking. But he decided to condemn himself even further in her eyes. “My father is a drunk and my mother died years ago. Barney isn’t family, Ms. Jefferson. So no. I have no support system to fall back upon if I fail.” His jaw tightened. “But I’m not going to fail.”

  She looked at him with eyes so similar to Scarlett’s that it was startling. “I admire your confidence, Mr. Munroe.” She sighed and turned away. “Scarlett has high hopes of getting a job and supporting you. Did you know that?”

  That was news to Mick, but he thought it was sweet. Although, it also meant that she didn’t believe in him. “Scarlett’s a very capable woman,” he replied.

  Ms. Munroe clasped her hands together. “I can see that you are going to be stubborn about this. But I’m going to ask you one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  She paused, looking up at him. “Think about having a child with Scarlett.” She smiled slightly. “I can see that the idea pleases you. That’s good.” Her smile disappeared. “Now think about that girl going out into the world, struggling to find food. Or your child not having medicine if she gets sick. Or walking five miles to work because she doesn’t have a car or bicycle to take her there.”

  Mick’s throat tightened up with the heartrending images in his mind. “My child won’t go through that,” he vowed.

  Her eyes gentled. “No one can guarantee that, Mr. Munroe, especially someone with a tentative future, such as a writer. Even if this current book you are working on is successful, and Scarlett has told me how beautifully you write, but what about the next one? And the one after that? Can you guarantee that you have enough stories in your head to continue writing? Continue keeping the attention of your readers?”

  “Yes,” he answered with absolute authority.

  She smiled and extended her hand. “Mr. Munroe, I wish you all the luck in the world.”

  Mick took her hand, afraid he’d answered all of her questions correctly, and still came out lacking.

  “But?”

  Tears appeared in her eyes. “Nothing more, Mr. Munroe.”

  With that, she turned and picked her way carefully through the trees back to the front of the gas station.

  Mick watched her go, a feeling of dread freezing him gut. He didn’t like what she thought about him, but Mick knew that he’d just have to prove her wrong. He had so many stories in his head that it was hard to stop them from flowing. He loved writing and knew that he would be published.

  But the tiny diamond ring in his pocket screamed at him.

  With a sigh, he walked up to his apartment and changed into a tee-shirt and jeans, then headed down to the mechanic’s shop to start working. Barney was busy with several customers and Mick took over the pumps, washing windows and filling tanks. It seemed that Saturdays were the day when everyone filled up gas tanks, got groceries, and got ready for Sunday church services. As someone who didn’t have that luxury, it struck him that he was different. Not just different in that he was going to be a writer with an uncertain future, but also that he didn’t really follow any of the rules of normal society. Even as he thought of plots to a series on a man who didn’t follow the rules, the other part of his mind started to wonder if Scarlett could live that kind of a life. She’d lived her whole life by a strict set of rules. It was one thing to flaunt those rules or “color outside the lines” while in college. It was a universe unto itself. College was a time to investigate different ways of living, ways to think, and challenge one’s view of the world.

  But what about when she got out into the real world? Would Scarlett become embarrassed by this kind of a life? Would she resent his lack of structure?

  He could become more structured, he vowed. He knew he could.

  But would it be enough?

  Chapter 12

  The following afternoon, Mick watched the rusted out Chevy pull into the gas station with the pretty woman and the mousy man. He didn’t know the man, but he recognized Scarlett’s mother and his gut tightened. Some instinct warned him that this wasn’t going to be good.

  Perhaps it was just his guilty conscience coming to the fore about his nights with Scarlett. He should have kept his hands off her until they were officially married. What they’d done all those nights…he should have a ring on her finger before he did things like that with a woman like Scarlett.

  “Mick Monroe?” the older man called out.

  Mick nodded, grabbing one of the rags and wiping off his hands.

  “That’s me. How can I help you?” he said, extending his hand to shake the older man’s hand.

  “I’m Bennet Jefferson,” he explained, ignoring Mick’s extended hand. “My wife and I are about to head over and have afternoon tea with Scarlett.” He shifted on his feet. “I understand that you’re in love with my daughter, Mr. Munroe. And she sings your praises as if you were the next coming of salvation.”

  The band around Mick’s chest relaxed with those words. Damn, he loved that woman! “I can assure you that her feelings are reciprocated, sir,” Mick agreed.

  The man nodded his head, tipping his hat back slightly. “I can understand that. I’m a bit partial to my daughter myself. I think she’s very special.”

  “She is, sir. She’s amazing.”

  The man nodded again, but his lips pressed together. Not a good sign, Mick thought. “I agree. She mentioned that you are writing a book?”

  “I am,” Mick confirmed. “Scarlett has read it.”

  Scarlett’s father looked away. “Mr. Munroe, I won’t stop my daughter from following her heart. If she marries you, fine. But she has a better, more secure future with Thomas Kincaid. They will have a house and a home and a guaranteed place in society.” He turned his serious eyes back on Mick. “You can’t provide that. If you love her, if you truly love her, you will give her that future and back away.”

  With those words, he stepped back into his car and drove off.

  Mick watched him, stunned and furious. Was he right? Was he being selfish by wanting to marry Scarlett?

  “Don’t listen to that man, Mick,” Barney put a comforting hand on Mick’s shoulder. “You’re a good man.” Mick turned to look down at the shorter man. “You’re good and you have a brilliant future.”

  Without a word, Mick went back to the mechanic’s garage and worked. He worked and thought about what Scarlett’s parents had said. He finished all of the vehicles that needed repairs that day, unaware of the night falling around him. Barney turned on the lights. His wife brought sandwiches and Mick vaguely registered them whispering. He knew that Barney was explaining what was going on, but Mick focused on the task in front of him and trying to work out what to do. Give up Scarlett so she could marry Thomas Kincaid and have a sure future? Or selfishly keep her for himself? He was sure that he would be a successful author, but how many years would that take? How many years of drudgery on Scarlett’s part? How much would she have to sacrifice until he made that happen? Yes, his stories were good enough. He knew that his novel was good. But the competition was fierce. Many times, good books didn’t get seen by editors. Brilliant authors…

  No, he wasn’t going to think that way. He would be published. He would be persistent enough to get in somehow.

  But Ms. Munroe was right. Scarlett would suffer in the meantime. And no, Mick couldn’t do that to her. He loved her too much to see her suffering in a one room apartment over a gas station while he battled the publishing world.

  He went up to his apartment and showered, scrubbing off the grease. He sat down at his typewriter and wrote. Once again, the words came pouring out through his fingers. He couldn’t stop typing. Everything was crystal clear now and he knew the ending he needed for his novel.

  Chapter 13

  Scarlett knocked on the door, worry tightening her stomach. “Mick?” she called out, anxious to see him. He hadn’t shown up last night and when she’d called Barney, he’d told her that Mick wa
s busy. Now, he wasn’t answering his door. What was wrong?

  She lifted her hand to knock again, but it swung open. There he stood, looking rough and exhausted, his eyes were bloodshot and his clothes rumpled. “What’s wrong?” she demanded, trying to step inside. But Mick grabbed his coat and took her hand, leading her back down the stairs to their picnic table.

  She stood there, looking up into his dark eyes, and knew that something was wrong.

  “Mick, talk to me,” she whispered through numb lips.

  “I can’t marry you, Scarlett.”

  The pain that lashed through her with his words was unlike anything she’d ever felt before. “Excuse me?”

  He ran a hand through his already messy hair. “I can’t marry you. You need to marry Tom.”

  She pulled back, feeling as if he’d slapped her. “Thomas? Why would I marry him?’

  “Because he’d be better for you than I am.”

  She laughed, relief surging through her. “Mick, Thomas is a nice enough, but I don’t love him. I love you,” she told him and reached out to touch him.

  But Mick grabbed her hands, holding them away from his chest. “I won’t marry you,” he told her.

  “What?” she demanded, shocked and…scared! “Why?”

  She reached for the chain, her fingers closing around the steel washer. She never took it off, even in the shower. “Why are you saying this?” she demanded. “You love me, Mick. I know you do!”

  “Marry Thomas,” he told her and walked away. He didn’t go up to his apartment, but instead, walked down the street.

  Scarlett watched him go, wondering why he would say that to her. They loved each other. Deeply! She knew that he did! So why was he being so brutal?

  She thought about running after him, needing to talk some sense into him, but thought that perhaps he might just need some time to think things through. She’d come back later and talk with him, try to understand why he was doing this.

  Walking home, she wondered what could be wrong. But this was Mick. She’d come back tomorrow and they’d talk about whatever was bothering him and work it out.

  Chapter 14

  “Good morning, Barney!” she greeted cheerfully, the heavy casserole in her arms feeling a bit like lead after the walk from her sorority house to the gas station.

  As soon as he turned around, Scarlett knew that something was wrong. “Mornin’ Scarlett.”

  She stopped and looked around, trying to ignore the hang-dog expression in his eyes. “Where’s Mick? He was upset about something yesterday, but wouldn’t talk to me about it.” She lifted the casserole dish in her hands. “I brought my mother’s famous chicken and dumpling casserole for him.”

  Barney rubbed his hands on an old rag, unable to look her in the eye. “Thing is, Scarlett,” he started off, and looked over her shoulder with a deep sigh. “Well…Mick left.”

  Scarlett stared at the kind man for a long moment, not really understanding. “Left? What do you mean? Where did he go? When will he be back?”

  Barney walked over to the table filled with tools. He picked up a white envelope and handed it to her.

  Scarlett looked at the letter with dread. Handing Barney the casserole, she took the letter and started to open it. But then stopped and looked up at him. “He left me?” she asked, fighting back the chocking tears that threatened to overwhelm her.

  “He said to read the note. It would explain everything.”

  Scarlett looked down at the envelope in her hand, her other hand reaching up to clutch the steel “ring”. Turning away, she ran down the paved area of the gas station.

  “What about your casserole?” he called out.

  “Keep it!” she yelled back, running towards the sorority house. She needed to be alone, needed to read this letter and understand why Mick had hurt her like this.

  She ran the whole way back, unconcerned about the blisters on her feet caused by the cute flat shoes she’d worn, wanting to impress Mick. She missed him so much and it had been two days since she’d last seen him. What was she going to do if he’d truly left her?!

  No! He couldn’t have left, she thought fiercely as she slammed through the doors of the sorority house.

  “Scarlett!” Ms. Burgess snapped.

  Scarlett ignored the house mother and raced up the stairs, putting a hand over her mouth to stop the sob. Slamming the door to her bedroom, she breathed a sigh of relief when she found the room empty. Thankfully, Mitzy was out with Rob, her boyfriend.

  Tearing open the envelope, she blinked, trying to clear her eyes so that she could read the words.

  Scarlett,

  By now, you know that I’ve gone away and my first words to you are that I love you. I love you too much to put you through a life less than what you deserve. I love you with all of my heart. Know that I don’t do this easily. Even as I write these words, I want to tear up this paper and pull you into my arms.

  But that would be selfish. You deserve more than the life I can give you. You’re beautiful, smart, and amazing. I know that I will eventually be published, but I don’t know if that will be tomorrow or ten years from now. And that uncertainty isn’t something you should have to endure with me.

  I know that you don’t understand why I’m doing this. But eventually, you will and will appreciate what I’ve done for you. Go out and live your life, be free of the uncertainty that comes with being with a writer.

  Thomas Kincaid is a good man and can give you a good life. I want that for you more than you know. I love you so much, and consider this my last gift to you.

  Love Always,

  Mick

  Scarlett shook her head, not believing the words. She read through them again. Then again, still thinking it was impossible that Mick was throwing away all that they’d had.

  And when she read through them for the fourth time, she collapsed onto her small bed in tears, aching to feel Mick’s arms around her once more.

  A long time later, Mitzy came back in and found Scarlett, still crying. “What’s wrong?” she demanded. Scarlett only buried her face deeper into her pillow. Mitzy found the papers lying on the floor and read them, then hugged Scarlett. “I’m so sorry!” she said softly.

  For the next three days, Scarlett alternated between anger and a horrible aching pain. But on the fourth day, she got out of bed and showered, then grabbed some paper and a pen. Sitting down at her desk, she did the one thing that she knew Mick would understand.

  Dear Mick,

  You broke my heart. I loved you. I still love you. And rest assured, I will always love you. What we had wasn’t just love, it was a connection of spirits. Without you, I am disconnected and not whole.

  You might think that what you did was an unselfish act, but I disagree. Regardless, you left without talking things through – which is one of the reasons I fell in love with you so deeply. We talked about everything. Nothing was off limits. You challenged me. You changed me. And then, you decided that talking things through wasn’t good enough, and you left me.

  I want to hate you for that. But I can’t. I still love you. Eventually, this pain will go away and I will be able to feel the sunshine again. Unfortunately, I know that I will never love any other person the way I love you.

  One day, you’re going to realize the mistake you made in leaving me. You’re going to wake up one morning and know that you will never love another woman the way you love me. And you’re going to realize that you still love me.

  Until that day,

  I am yours.

  Scarlett

  Chapter 15

  One year later…

  “Scarlett Jefferson,” the dean of the math department announced.

  Scarlett stood and, with an invisible cloak of dignity, walked up the stage, and received her bachelor’s degree. Turning, she looked out at the audience to find her parents and smiled. It wasn’t the bright, happy smile she hoped to give them. Mick never came back. He’d left her that day and she still hadn’t recovered. Sh
e saw Thomas sitting right next to her parents, but his presence didn’t give her any pleasure.

  Thomas. She thought about him as she took her seat once again. Scarlett knew that she was one of only two women to earn a degree today. She sat among a sea of male faces, their arrogance and male privilege filling her with impotent anger. But she tamped down that anger and resentment, knowing that she’d earned her place among them. She’d done everything they’d done, and done it better.

  Unfortunately, she was not recognized for her efforts. She had the highest grade point average in her graduating class. And yes, she’d been given her degree summa cum laude, but the honor of addressing the class went to a male.

  Did she resent that? Yeah. But as a woman, she knew that she was fighting an uphill battle. Ever since Mick had left her, she’d known that the world didn’t play fair.

  When the dean had conveyed the honor of graduation on everyone, the group of graduates stood up and threw their hats in the air. Not Scarlett. She sat there among the black robed men and wondered if she would ever feel any joy again. Every morning when she woke up, she remembered that Mick had left her. And every night when she went to sleep, she sent a silent prayer up to God asking him to protect Mick and help him succeed.

  Standing up, she looked around. The men were all hugging each other and congratulating themselves. They mostly ignored her, resentful of her presence among them. She was a threat to their androcentrism.

  Smiling politely and holding her head up high, she made her way out of the graduation area and towards her parents.

  “Congratulations, dear,” her mother leaned in for a gentle hug. “I’m proud of you.”

  Her father smiled as well. “You did really well, honey.”

  Scarlett accepted their praise, but knew that they were waiting for her to announce something more significant, at least in their minds. Something along the lines of a marriage announcement to Thomas.